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No More Mr. Nice Guy

No More Mr. Nice Guy

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This is how the YouTuber Shaun, for example, escaped his own sexist attitudes toward and resentment of women: by actually talking to women, and actually listening to what they have to say. Though that was written by a Mormon, and drops some references to religious things (as does Glover), none of its advice requires religious belief, as there are obvious nonreligious equivalents to everything in it, e. These recommendations conform to a general rule I advise following as much as you can: do not rely on any author who isn’t an actual expert specializing in a pertinent field, discussing actual empirical science or findings in the subject; or an author who is competently conveying what such men and women have written. Whenever a child experiences any kind of abandonment he will always believe that he is the cause of what has happened to him.

Work out what actually is good and bad about you, and openly embrace the one, and just as openly work to fix the other. Information that does fit our paradigm is magnified by the process, adding even greater support for that particular way of believing. By using the Web site, you confirm that you have read, understood, and agreed to be bound by the Terms and Conditions.Nice Guys are over-attentive; or always absent; are propelled by conscious shame; or else by unconscious shame. Breaking free from the Nice Guy Syndrome demands embracing a totally different way of viewing one’s self in the world and a complete change in one's personal paradigm. It is almost as if Glover does not know how human psychology works, as his advice can easily be misread as saying something much worse than he thinks he is advising. Be honest and open and communicative and direct, with yourself as well as anyone you want to bond with.

g. our propensity for violence or bulldozing consent, our cultural tendency toward selfishness and arrogance, a too-common indifference or obliviousness to the feelings or plight of others, and a general lack of, even resistance to building, our emotional intelligence—which are all real problems men have not adequately dealt with culturally) and what these guys misperceive as what society is telling them is dangerous and unsafe about men (e. Yes, everyone should become comfortable with being alone and having their own self-time, and thus learn enough independence to not let fear keep them trapped in a bad relationship.And everyone needs to learn how to recognize when they are in a bad relationship, with a partner they really should not be with. The first is becoming overly involved in an intimate relationship at the expense of one's self and other outside interests. Glover explains what it is, how it came to be and provides forty-six exercises to help Nice Guys break free. He can give concrete examples of bad behavior in childhood, adolescence, and adulthood that support his core belief about himself. Due to the sense of helplessness and resentment this pattern inevitably produces, Nice Guys are anything but nice.

In essence, psychology as a field spends more time giving men fish (often poisonous fish at that), rather than teaching them to fish. To answer his unscientific anecdotes with my own, I benefited tremendously from being left alone and allowed to make my own decisions and solve my own problems when I was young, as long as I demonstrated I could and my parents were always there when I needed them—and in fact that is what I think actual current science says parents should do: teach kids to be independent, train them for adulthood; rather than obsessively avoid giving them some dubious Freudian “abandonment issues.

Trying to be a great lover pretty much ensures that a nice guy will not have many passionate, reciprocal, spontaneous, serendipitous, or intimate sexual experiences – Hardly a recipe for good sex!

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