Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life: The Chump Lady's Survival Guide

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Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life: The Chump Lady's Survival Guide

Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life: The Chump Lady's Survival Guide

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honestly communicate/express feelings/work together to resolve inevitable conflicts of sharing life with a partner Hence, in the long-term, she “wins”. The “other woman”, conversely, is now in a relationship with a partner who has a demonstrated history of deception and, likely, infidelity. i hear what you are saying.. .. but what you need to tell yourself is that YOU did not want to live that way. When inevitable conflict of sharing life with a partner arises, lie, ignore, avoid, neglect, blame, and cheat (if you haven’t started already). Be sure to act as if everything is fine. Truth and integrity is to be avoided at all costs. Theyve been dating since June 2018, but he still calls and bothers me plus said—its not a crime to NOT divorce you. Crazy! He lied about wanting a kid and didng inform me he had ED. Told me we were waiting for marriage for sex. Bullshit! 6 months into marriage I slipped into depression and wondered why me??

Anne, your story reminds me of my father, who caught his first wife cheating. He worked 2nd shift and lived in a 2nd floor apartment with her and their two young boys 1 and 2 (my half brothers). He suspected something was going on and one night before he left for work, he put baby powder down on the stairs to the apartment. He left work early that night and wouldn’t you know it. Men’s footprints were headed up to their apartment. hmmm I don’t see anything in there about being a better cook, better lay, less of this more of that. What I see is a clear statement about the characteristics of the mate! Seems science didn’t generalize cheating as being the about the relationship or chumpy flaws! Go science!

Our thesis is that the woman who “loses” her mate to another woman will go through a period of post-relationship grief and betrayal, but come out of the experience with higher mating intelligence that allows her to better detect cues in future mates that may indicate low mate value. OK, help me out, CN. Here’s the text message I got from her last night: “I wish you hadn’t gone to a lawyer, because now I have to have one. Money. I thought we didn’t have anything to dispute. Now since you left out the retirement acct I guess I need a lawyer. Since I’m not asking for child support do I really need to pay your loans? I could get child support I’m sure, but why don’t I not and you pay your loans? Do we need a lawyer for all this? my ex also had some really wonderful qualities. and i loved him so very much. i loved the way he looked, i loved his hair, his eyes, the shape of his mouth, his body, the way he laughed, the sound of his voice, the way he walked/ran/moved, even the way he smelled. Neither one of them are winners no matter how good they are filling sandbags. The fact that a person can SELECTIVELY This study is great for outlining the stages that women go through. It applies to male chumps too. So rather than skeining I can compare my serial x-cheater to a Tree Shrew…

Our daughter broke her collar bone. I took her to urgent care. He texted me for updates while he sat at home. They need both parents to model cooperative and companionable behavior, but if one parent can’t, the other has to fill in those shoes. I got my older son involved with Big Brothers Big Sisters because I recognize how much he needs a positive male role model in his life and that he won’t get that from his dad.Hell, I even got a wake up slap from Chumplady when I was debating weather to cut my X off of alimony. She made some very valid points which are the same ones I mentioned above!

So for you dads trying to fight the good fight, please keep it up. Your daughters need to see that so they won’t end up with all those dreaded “Daddy issues” and your sons need to see how men used to try and hold their families together and that this is something that needs to return to society. I’m not advocating the 50’s model of family and am a firm believer in womens’ rights. Rather that typically each parent brings their strengths to the table and the whole thing starts to wabble and tilt when part of that stabilizing force is removed. My ex also blamed me for not attending his brother’s wedding. My cousin got married on the same day so I thought splitting events was the fair thing to do. In hindsight I probably should have gone to his brother’s wedding, but I was so caught up in being fair. But all it would have taken is him saying that it upset him. He had months to voice his opinion but he didn’t. How unfair to blame something on a person and hold a grudge for years without giving them a change to correct it or even make up for it. I’m trying to not see it as being a winner or loser. I prefer to see it is having dignity or not having dignity. Can I say that I have walked away from this with my dignity (my value)? At first, no, because I was judging my value by the fact that I was rejected by my husband and so there must be something wrong with me.My ex’s father was a very emotionally distant father. A professor who was always too busy for the kids writing his books and articles. My ex used to say that the only thing that his father knows to converse with him about is sports, never any other topic. In 15 years of my experience with my in-laws, I can confirm this to be true. An avid baseball fan, yet my father-in-law never tossed a ball with his sons. Now my STBXH is an avid baseball fan who can spew stats and once ran an official team blog, yet he has never signed up his own kids to play baseball, nor did he coach baseball when I signed them up. I am the one that tosses a ball and bats with them in the yard. I was terrified that when I went into labor I would not be able to reach him because that was a frequent

I can’t blame myself any more that you can blame yourself. You can’t force comfort on a person. You tried and he refused to accept it. How is that on you? I don't agree with telling the kids. Research shows that this is damaging to the kids. Kids need both parents in their lives. Other than that the rest of the advice is spot on and effective. I’m a woman going through this and am always aware of the behavior I’m modeling for my girls (and hopefully for my sons), and I don’t know the statistics on whether more men leave women due to affairs or vice versa. But the societal acceptance of infidelity that only seems to exacerbate each gender’s role in it needs to change. To any men out there reading this you need to read what Chumplady says and fight for what is legally yours. If your spouse cheated on you DO NOT just roll over and give her everything as if you did something wrong. Think about your future and your kids (if you have any) future. The parent who did not do the cheating is more than likely the parent who is going to be responsible for all of the child’s expenses (including college) because they other one is to busy thinking about themselves. By you giving your soon to be former spouse everything you are sacrificing your childs future (and your own). SIMPLY DO NOT DO IT!

Tracy, I saw a lot of your observations in this article. RIC still influences these studies as there was some subtle influence of that interspersed in the text. biodads are over rated. as long as your child has a healthy male role model bio dad means nothing. my children have my wonderful dad. the first born never saw her bio dad and never missed him either. child 2 and 3 only had bio dad for a little while, he was gone before they were 3 and 1 so they also did not miss him. child 4 and 5 had bio dad for years, until they were 8 and 12. he was actually pretty active in their lives, attentive and everything. (when he was home) i thought he was a good daddy (not great but good). my other 3 kids considered him as dad also. A friend of mine nailed it this weekend while we were talking about my baby. She asked what ex would do if, in some distant time from now, I met someone and the kids wanted to call him dad. I said I’d get a helmet and telescope, because the debris and pyrotechnics of ex’s head exploding would be seen from space. Even though I have no time/interest in dating now, she brings up a good point. Even if they don’t call him dad, which I’d support, I wonder how it will feel to a narc like him when someone else takes his place as a decent partner for me and decent parent for my little ones… Now, Ive told this new woman (57)about his life and our marriage plus how he is giving me a hassle for the “not filed” divorce. She doesnt care and flaunts around town with him bc techmically we are married, but “not together”, he spends lots of time with her, and he lives with brother not ME. Crazy wench. She thinks she has a prize, but he is a damaged, self-serving, passive aggressive, arrogant dummy. Typically psychological and relational in nature, this competition may be no less damaging than physical violence more commonly used between males.”

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